Distorted View
by OriginalPippie
Summary: Bam developes an eating disorter.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Bam frowned as he placed a hand over what once was firm abs. He looked up into the mirror and rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"I'm so fucking out of shape." He looked at Jenn who was reaching for her toothbrush.  
"Don't forget to mention overweight, Bam." She poked Bam's forming gut with her index finger. "Look at that belly you've got going there. You better watch yourself, Bam, before you get as fat as Phil."

He moved away from her "Shut up. I only gained fifteen pounds not 150."

"Geeze testy."

"Jenn you know this is a sensitive subject for me."

"I know Bam. I'm sorry." She leaned in to kiss him ion the cheek, but he moved away from her.  
"Just leave me alone." He said, leaving the room.  
"What? I said I was sorry! I won't talk about it any more!"

Bam closed the bedroom door and walked over to the bed to lie down. There were a few things on his mind but the majority of it had to do with the weight he had gained. He hated himself for allowing him to gain the weight in the first place. Normally he made sure that he stayed in shape, but then he remembered what caused him to ruin his well-toned physique. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and reminded himself not to think about that one thing that drastically changed his life that got him in the poor shape he was in now, the thing that still hadn't told Jenn about, the thing that he didn't want to tell Jenn about. Opening his eyes again he sat up and focused on the wall across from his bed.

"Oh God." He said with realization

It was at that moment when he remembered something important. He got out of bed, and rushed downstairs and went into the kitchen. Searching the kitchen in a hurry he found the calendar and flipped it open to that month. He ran his finger across the page and counted mentally until he reached the date he was looking for.

"No! That won't be enough time!"

"Enough time for what?" Jenn asked from behind him, causing him to jump. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. There won't be enough time for what?"

"Oh… I just remembered that I have this skate demo for Element in three weeks. There's no way that I'll be able to get in shape by then."

"Well… you might be able to lose a few pounds…"

He glared at her then let the calendar fall from his hand. Then without saying a word, he walked away from her and headed back upstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

The next morning Bam was up early. He started his morning with a glass of orange juice and half a piece of toast, before going out for a jog. When he returned from his jog, he decided to cool down by doing 25 sit-ups and push-ups each. This was all done before anyone else could drag themselves out of bed. He was bound and determined to get into shape for the demo. He knew three weeks was a stretch, but he was going to push himself. After drinking a glass of water he then went upstairs to take a shower and wash the sweat off of him.

Jenn rolled over and reached out with her arm for Bam, but he wasn't there. Feeling the empty spot in the bed woke her up.

"Bam?" She asked as she pulled herself into sitting position "Bam Bam? Where are you?"

She stepped out of the bed and pulled on one of Bam's t-shirts before stepping out of the bedroom door. She was about to check downstairs for Bam when she heard the shower running in the near by bathroom.  
"What the hell is he doing up so early, and taking a _shower_?" She thought out loud as she reached the closed bathroom door.

She placed her hand on the doorknob and checked to see if the door was locked, which it wasn't. Then she entered the bathroom and muttered to herself once she saw the mess Bam had left all over the floor before hopping into the shower.

"Aww Bam you shouldn't have. And it's not even my birthday!"  
"What?" He asked over the sound of the water  
"I sure hope you weren't planning on me coming in here to see this mess and pick it up for you."

Jenn heard the sound of the faucets turning and the water slowing down to a stop. Bam pulled open the shower curtain and peeked out.

"Could you hand me that towel?"  
"Which towel? Oh you mean this wadded up one on the floor by your clothes that I'm probably going to wash for you? Here your majesty." She tossed him the towel "Anything else I can do for you? Fix the royal breakfast? Clean the stables? Beat the unruly servants?"  
"Are you through?" Bam asked with a slight laugh as he dried himself off  
"Yeah. But what are you doing in the shower so early? You aren't scheduled for a shower for at least another ten days." She kidded  
He wrapped the towel around his waist and searched the counter for his razor "If you need to know so bad, I was exorcising and I worked up quite a sweat."  
"So that's why you got up so early. I wondered why I woke up to find you weren't there."  
"I'm sorry. I should have told you that I was going to be getting up early."

She wrapped her arms around Bam's middle and looked over his shoulder into the mirror. While watching his as he shaved, she grabbed hold of some of his belly, giving it a shake.

"Jenn, could you please stop that. It's making me self-conscious."  
"Oh since when has Bam Margera been self-conscious?" She said as she let him go and backed away with a smile "So what would you like for breakfast?"  
"Oh nothing… I all ready ate."  
"Yeah? And what did you have?"  
"None of your business."  
"You didn't skip, did you?"  
"No. I… I ate something."  
"How much is 'something'?"  
"Notmuch. But Jenn I only have three weeks to get into shape."  
"I understand that, but I won't want to see you making yourself sick over this."  
"I won't. Damn would you hear yourself? You're sounding like April."

He picked up his clothes and walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom. She followed him into the room and watched Bam as he got dressed. Some reason while she watched him she got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. For one thing he never avoided a simple question like what he ate for breakfast, especially while he was dieting. Also, even if he was self-conscious, he wouldn't have said that he was. This just wasn't sitting well with her, and she had a bad feeling that things were going to get worse.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Bam picked up the small box from the shelf and carried it up to the checkout counter.

"Will that be all?" The cashier asked, not even looking up to see who was making the purchase  
"Yeah, ring it up. I don't need a bag."

Bam paid and left the store with what he bought. He put the box into the side pocket of his hooded sweatshirt and continued with is jog. Once he got home, he went straight upstairs into the bathroom. Immediately he took the box out of his pocket and opened it. Someone knocked on the door and he quickly shoved the box into his pocket.

"What do you want?" He asked with a slight crack to his voice  
"Bam, do you mind if I come in there for a minute?"

"Uh no, not at all." He opened the door so Jenn could walk in  
She kissed him on the cheek "So how was your jog?"

"Oh it was… just like the others I suppose."

Jenn picked up her hairbrush and began to brush her hair. As she brushed, she looked at Bam with a smile.

"What?"

"Oh I'm just impressed with you. You're looking good lately."

"Well I've been working my ass off these past two weeks."

"And it shows. Look at you."

He turned to look in the mirror "Yeah… I only have seven pounds to go. Think I can pull that off in a week?"

"Why not?" She sat her brush down "You've always been able to pull off anything else you wanted to do. Why should this time be different?"

She grinned and left the bathroom. When he knew he was alone, he closed the door and took the box out of his pocket. He reached into the box and pulled out one pack of pills. After removing the thin layer of foil from the back of the pack, he popped the pill into his hand. He then poured a Dixie cup of water and downed it with the pill. He knew that, without the aid of diet pills, he would be able to meet his weight loss goal by the time of the skate demo, but he wanted to speed up the process. Eyeing the area around him, he searched for a good hiding place for his diet pills. He didn't want to take the risk of anyone stumbling upon them, and saying something to him about them.

Jenn looked up once she heard Bam come into the kitchen. She had just finished placing a plate of food before Novak, and was waiting, out of habit, for Bam to place his breakfast order. Instead Bam fixed himself a small bowl of cereal. He stood by the sink with his bowl and spoon in hand, as the three of them made morning small-talk over their breakfast. Bam stuck his spoon into the cereal and then held a spoonful of it to his mouth as if to eat it. Then when no eyes were on him, he dumped the spoonful back into the bowl. He repeated this action a few times until he actually had to eat the cereal while Jenn was talking to him. He waited until Novak and Jenn both left the kitchen before he dumped the rest of his cereal down the drain. He contemplated turning on the garbage disposal, but decided against it because that would have drawn attention to him. This had been going on every morning for the past three days, unbeknownst to either of his housemates.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

_The day of the skate demo_

Bam sat in his spot at the booth with the other Element skaters. A large crowd of fans were gathered around the booth, cheering, chanting, and shouting in a clamor, as they awaited their autographs from their favorite skaters. Bam kept "hidden" behind a pair of dark sunglasses as he smiled and signed his name to random photos, t-shirts, skate memorabilia, body parts etc. Some fans requested slaps across the face and other inflicted pain, and Bam gladly administered it for them. It was yet another typical signing. After sitting down after slapping a giddy fan in the face, he looked up to see the next girl in waiting. He removed his sunglasses and smiled nervously at her in surprise.

"Hey."

"What you don't recognize me, Bam?" She said, while obnoxiously batting her eye lashes.  
"Oh… uh… yeah." He glanced over to where Jenn was standing "Um…"  
"Crystal."

"I know that. Er… what are you doing here? You're pretty far from Burbank, don't you think?" He signaled to Jenn to come up to him  
"Yeah I suppose… It was such a nice day so I decided to stop by and see what you were up to."

"And you came all the way from California to do it? Couldn't you have just called?"

"I could have… but I heard that you were doing this demo, so I decided to come see you in person."

"Hey what's up?" Asked Jenn as she reached the booth  
"Oh Jenn I'd like you to meet someone. This is Crystal, you know the girl I told you about who thought she could challenge me to a skating contest."

"Oh that was you? You must have some balls missy." She held her hand out "I'm Jenn"

"Nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah same here."

"Well, Bam, I guess you're busy so I'll leave you alone now. Come talk to me later 'k?"

"Yeah sure."

Crystal walked away, leaving Bam and Jenn at the booth. Bam continued to sign some more autographs as the two of them talked.

"So is your hand cramping yet?"

"Nah… Besides my writing's sloppy enough I can always switch to my left hand if I had to."

"Oh my God! Bam Margera! I love you so much! You are SO HOT!" A teeny bopper who was next in line squealed as she spewed forth her undying love for the "skater God" before her. Bam robotically signed her autograph, posed for a picture with her, and gave her a hug.

"Hey Bam are ya hungry? I know you don't get a break to eat for a while."

"Um…" He glanced to where Crystal stood, then back at Jenn "Yeah cold you get me something?"

"What would you like?"

"I don't care… anything. I'm starving."

"Ok I'll be right back."

She patted him on the back before walking away. When she returned, she handed him a sandwich wrapped in plastic wrap.  
"Oh thank you."

Just then Bam was told to hurry up and eat, because he had to get ready for the demo in five minutes. He took two big bites of his sandwich and walked away from the booth. He walked behind the ramp that he was soon to be performing on, and he had a great view of Jenn and Crystal. The two girls were talking to each other, and they seemed to be hitting it off. He looked at Crystal and saw that she was laughing, and then he went to take another bite of his sandwich. He looked at Jenn and then down at his stomach. He had worked way too hard losing that weight for him to just throw it all away now. He looked good, but he knew that he could look better. Just because he had lost the weight for the demo, didn't mean he had to keep himself from staying in shape. He found the nearest trash can and tossed the rest of his sandwich into it, and then prepared himself for the demo.


	5. Chapter 5

chapter five

_A month later_

The numbers appeared on the screen of the scale. They had gone down from the last time Bam stood on the scale, but not far enough as he was concerned. Bam had been exercising obsessively, and was eating less and less. And sometimes when he had an urge to eat other that a 'regular' meal, he would take a diet pill instead. However he still wasn't satisfied with his weight.

He stepped off of the scale as he heard the pounding on the door.

"Yo Bam! Are you done in there? I gotta piss!" Shouted Novak  
Bam frantically searched the medicine cabinet for his diet pills, much to no avail.  
"Bam?"

"Uh… just a minute!"

He gave up looking in the cabinet when he remembered where he hid his pills. He looked into one box and then tossed it over his shoulder, seeing that it was empty. The second box he checked was empty as well. Glancing at the door in a panic, he then picked up a third box. He sighed in relief when he saw half a pack of pills left.  
_'I'll have to get more later.'_ He thought as he quickly popped a pill into his hand.

"Bam could you hurry up?"

"I said I'll be out in a minute!"

Bam swallowed the pill and picked up the boxes he had thrown, and put them back in his hiding spot. He then pushed the scale with his foot over against the wall so it would be out of the way. Novak was about to pound on the door again but Bam opened it with an edgy grin.

"All yours Novak."

"It's about time. What were you doing in there any way?"

"Why do you need to know? Are you keeping tabs on what everyone does in the bathroom?"

"No, sorry I asked." Novak went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Bam sighed as he headed downstairs. When he reached the bottom of the steps he looked up, surprised to see his mom. She walked up to him with a greeting smile.

"Ape what are you doing here?" He asked as she gave him a hug.  
"Just thought I would stop by to check up on you." She pulled away from him and eyed him up and down with her hands placed on his waist.  
"What?"

"Oh you just look different."

"Different how?"

"I don't know," she gave his side a slight squeeze "you seem thinner. Not a whole lot but… I guess it's just noticeable to a mother's eye." She turned away and went in the direction of the kitchen. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Mom… I…" He followed his mom into the kitchen "Please you don't have to make me any thing."

"So did you eat?"

"Uh… yeah. Yeah I ate." _'If you call drinking a glass of water and taking some diet pills eating…'_  
"Are you sure? You look like you haven't eaten in a while." _'Besides, you know, that I know when you're lying too me.'_ "Here let me fix you something."

"Mom please don't."

"I insist." _'He really has gotten thin since the last time I saw him.'_

He sighed with a roll of his eyes and allowed April to make him eat. He decided that he would just have to work harder in burning it off. A few minutes later April placed a plate and a bowl on the table before her son. The plate contained a sandwich and the bowl was filled with soup she had just heated up in the microwave. Bam frowned as he reluctantly picked up the spoon. He slowly stirred the soup with the spoon, knowing that his mother was watching him and expecting him to eat.

"Bam are you going to eat, or are you going to play with your food?"

"I really don't feel like eating right now."

"Oh come on. I made it for you the least you could do is eat it."

_'Do I have to?'_ "Why are you doing this? You never made me eat anything while you were visiting me."

"That was before I saw how thin you've gotten. Now eat."

"Mom."

He looked away from her and down into the soup, realizing that she wasn't going to leave until he was a good boy and ate all of his food. April Margera was just a stubborn as her son was, and she was going to make sure that he ate while she was there. Jenn had been telling her in private that Bam hadn't been eating very much lately, and that he had developed a new obsession for exorcising. This visit to check up on her son was to see if what Jenn had been telling her was true. And by the looks of things so far, she was realizing the great truth in it. Bam continued to stir his soup, and only took small nibbles of his sandwich when his mom looked at him. This was not enough to please her, but it was all he was going to allow himself to eat.

"Bam don't make me come over there and force-feed you." April said with growing frustration and concern.

He looked up at her with pleading eyes and stuck his spoon into the soup once more. This time he actually swallowed some of the liquid nutrients just to spite her. He wanted to run into the bathroom to force himself to vomit what little bit of food he ate.

"Bam what's the matter with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've never been this finicky when it came to eating. You've hardly touched your sandwich, and the most you've done to your soup was stir it up. You're acting like eating is the worst thing in the world for you to do."

"But I told you that I don't want to eat right now."

"Right now or… ever?"

His lip trembled a little as he fought back tears "Don't… don't do this to me Mom."

"Bam, Jenn has been telling me about you and it worries me."

"Mom… I… There's nothing wrong with me, if that's what you're getting at."

"How long has this been going on, Bam?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Bam, if this is the way you want your life to be, then I can't stop you. But that doesn't mean that I can't worry about you."

"There's nothing for you to worry about!" He pounded his fist into the table, causing the dishes to clank.  
"All right. If you insist." She stood up from the table and took the food away from Bam. "Have fun making yourself sick, Bam. You obviously don't care what other people think about you."

Bam sat there, stunned, and watched his mom leave. For a minute he didn't know what else to do, so he just sat there at the table and silently wiped a tear away. He then stood up from the table and went upstairs as fast as he could into his bedroom. He closed the door and plopped to the floor. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he frantically did some sit-ups. Even though he didn't eat very much while his mom was there, he still felt the need to burn off the calories.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Bam huffed and puffed as he jogged. He began to breathe harder so he slowed down to a stop. He pulled himself into sitting position so he could catch his breath.

_'I'm slacking.'_ He thought _'I should be able to do better than this. I have to keep going… I have to push myself harder.'_

He closed his eyes and arched his head back as he took in a deep breath. With his recent weight loss, his energy level had gone down. In his mind he should have had more energy.

When he got home Jenn stopped him by the door.

"Bam I think we need to talk about something."

"What? Where did that come from?"

"I'm sorry I blurted that out as soon as you came in, but it was the only way I could get you to listen to what I had to say." "What makes you so sure?" He asked as he walked past her.  
"Because it's about you." br Bam stopped and turned around to face her "Me? What about me? Did I do something wrong?" "No you didn't do anything wrong… well…" She looked down at her hands  
"Jenn I think I might know what this is about, and I don't want to talk about it."

"Bam…"  
"There's nothing wrong with me! Now leave me alone!"

He turned and stormed away from her. When he made it to the bathroom he looked at his reflection in the mirror. His face had thinned out considerably and he no longer had his pudgy cheeks. His shirt was baggy on him, and even the elastic waist in his sweatpants had a loose fit to it. He had completely given up on eating and was growing dependant on his diet pills. He pulled his shirt off and looked down at himself, while tracing his stomach, sides and chest with his fingers. His ribs were visible and his stomach appeared to be caving in. He pushed the top of his pants down past his hips a little. His hip bones were just as visible as his ribs. He hung his head down and slipped his shoes off. Then he went over to where the scale was and pulled it out to where he could stand on it. Closing his eyes, he held his breath as he placed his feet on the scale. As he opened his eyes again and looked down at the numbers on the scale, he had tears running down his face.

"Bam." Jenn said as she stood in the doorway  
"Jenn go away." He sniveled  
Bam this is what I wanted to talk to you about. Bam you're not healthy…"  
"Jenn I said go away." The tears were falling faster and he stepped off of the scale  
"No this is serious. Look I can't keep watching you destroy yourself like this." She walked up next to him and wiped a couple of his tears away. "I've never seen any one as thin as you are right now. You're wasting away before my eyes."  
He closed his eyes tight and more tears fell. "No… no that's not true."

"Bam look at me." He shook his head "Look at me."

"No."

"Bam you know you can't keep doing this. You should have never started."

"I needed to lose weight and you know it."

"Yes you did need to lose weight, but you went way too far. Now look at yourself."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is Bam. And you know it's true, otherwise you wouldn't be crying right now."

"Jenn leave me alone." He opened his eyes and placed a hand on his forehead  
"Bam?"

He looked at her and his knees began to give out "Jenn hold me up."

His eyes rolled back as he fell into Jenn's arms. She grabbed him as best as she could, trying to prop him up, but he slid to the floor.

"Bam are you ok? Bam?"  
She sat down and tried to sit Bam back up. He opened his eyes again but they were droopy.  
"What happened?"

"You passed out. Do you think you can sit up?"

He placed his hands on the floor and struggled to pull himself up. He brought himself part way up and then stopped, and then shook his head.

"Jenn… I…" He turned his head up toward her "I'm so dizzy right now." br "Bam hold on, I'll be right back." She said as she stood up  
"Where are you going?" Before he got his question out Jenn was out the door. He fell flat on his stomach and everything went black.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Bam's eyes cracked open as voices buzzed around him. He was too lost in his thoughts to determine whether the voices were talking to him or about him. He didn't even care what they were saying, so he turned over onto his side, pulled the blanket up over him, and made an attempt to go to sleep.

"Bam!" Jenn said firmly as she slapped him on the shoulder

"What?"

"I hope you're listening. This is important."

"I am!" He lied

"Mr. Margera," Bam looked up towards the doctor.

"It should be no mystery to you why you collapsed. You're extremely underweight and, like I've all ready told every one else, you're suffering from severe Anorexia. Frankly, I'm surprised that because of your weight you didn't suffer from heart failure."

"Heart failure?" Bam's eyes widened."Are you saying that I should have died?"

"Now relax. Bam, we're transporting you to a special clinic that deals specifically with people suffering from eating disorders. Don't worry you'll have all the privacy you'll need there… you'll of course have to attend the group therapy sessions, as well as one-on-one sessions…"

"In other words it's like rehab." He turned away from the doctor "No thanks. I'll risk the heart failure instead."

"Bam you need to get better. This clinic will be the best thing for you."

"I'd rather not spend my time in a clinic around a bunch of fifteen year old girls."

Just outside in the waiting room, Bam's friends and family had just received the news about Bam's condition. April sat in her chair shaking her head.

"I knew this was going to happen. I knew he was going to make himself sick over this. I said it before; the things he does to himself are a lot worse than what he does to me."

"I don't get it. Anorexia… that's something only teenage girls go through, right?" Asked Ryan in a whisper to the  
other guys.

They shrugged their shoulders.

"That's what I thought. Man I had no idea this was going on with Bam."

"Novak, you mean you live with him and you couldn't tell that he was starving himself?" Dico asked with a laugh

"This isn't funny. I mean we've always thought that Bam was the most headstrong one of us… nothing bad could really happen to him, and he could just get up, dust himself off, and ride away unharmed. This time isn't going to be that easy for him."

The other guys were stunned at Raab's speech. But before either of them could give a response, Jenn walked out of Bam's hospital room. Phil and April stood up and went up to her.

"What did you find out?" Phil asked

"Bam's going to be fine… as long as he agrees to go to this clinic that they're trying to send him to."

"A clinic?"

"Yeah. He doesn't want to go because he thinks that it will be like rehab, and people will find out about this. Also because he doesn't want to be the only twenty-six year old guy around all of these fifteen year old girls. I tried convincing him that it's not just teenage girls that develop eating disorders, but he… well he feels like a freak."

The doctor came out of Bam's room and went up to April.

"Mrs. Margera? Your son is asking for you."

"For me? Why?"

"I don't know he just asked to see you." He walked her into the room and left her alone with Bam.

Bam was lying in bed, facing away from the door. He had the blanket wrapped firmly around him.

"Bam? You wanted to see me?"

"Mom what's wrong with me?" He asked with a whimper

"Well Bam, you collapsed because you have been starving yourself. What did you expect?"

"I know why I'm in the hospital! But what's wrong with me? Why do I feel so stupid?" She stood next to the bed and gently rubbed Bam's back.

She couldn't see the tears that were falling from his eyes but she could hear them in his voice.

"Why did it take me going to the hospital to realize that something was wrong with me?"

He paused and sniffed as April came around to the other side of his bed. She wiped tears away from his eyes.

"I think you knew the whole time that something was wrong."

"So, what? You're trying to tell me that I was in denial?" he closed his eyes tight.

"I just wanted to stay in shape after I lost that weight I gained. I started taking diet pills and just wanted to be thin… I didn't realize what it was doing to me." He paused and opened his eyes, then stared at his mom as more tears fell.

"Mom I'm scared. I don't want to go to this clinic, but I don't want to be like this."

"But you know the only way you're going to get better is if you go to the clinic."

"I know! But why does it have to be like this?"

She kissed him on the forehead "I don't like it either sweetie."

"Mom… I… there's something else that I'm scared about."

"What is it?"

"I… I've been keeping something from everyone… Jenn especially. Only one… well two people actually know about this. But I don't know how to say it… I don't know if I want to, or if I should say it."

She sat down in the chair next to the bed and prepared herself for the worst. "What is it Bam? What have you been hiding that you don't want to tell us about?"

"You have to promise me that you won't tell any one…"


End file.
